ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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