He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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