Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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