You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
