When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
