I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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