You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
