we have pet lesbian snakes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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