Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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