you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
