What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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