He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
