Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
