I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
