yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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