How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
