On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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