she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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