I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
