I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize