i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
