Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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