Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
