Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
