can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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