my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
