Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
