i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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