its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
