I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
