its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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