I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
