but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
