Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
