To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
