Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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