Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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