I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
