I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
