She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
