I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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