I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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