I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
