Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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