8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
