yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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