the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's Friday. Sex?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
