We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
