I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
