why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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