She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
