shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
