I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
