that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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