Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
