I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
