the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
