What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
