Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There r osticjed everywhere
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
