Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
