How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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