I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
