After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize