I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
